Changes

I haven't given an update in a while about how my Trust plan has been going. These past few weeks have been very different from the first 2 months. I started water kickboxing and water pilates last week and have LOVED them both! I think it has been good to mix up the exercises and it is something I look forward to every day. I even recruited some girls from my office and another friend who now attend with me. I am still eating healthy (although have been slacking on my water intake...maybe it's something about all the pool water) and be conscious of what I put into my body. We haven't weighed or measured for a few weeks and I think that has been a good thing for me. It allows me to focus on the changes in my body that I am seeing and to be less concerned with numbers.
Last night as I was getting ready to go to the pool, I was looking at myself in the mirror (I know, I'm lame) but was really amazed at the changes I saw in my own body. Usually it's more difficult to see the changes in yourself but I was able to and it was SOO encouraging. I can feel more muscle, feel and see parts of me getting smaller. My clothes fit better, some even looser! I feel better, am sleeping better, and am feeling more ambitious about exercising.
I am trying to get up the nerve to beging lap swimming before work. I think it would be a great supplement and would get me more cardio work. However, when that alarm goes off at 6am my body says it needs another hour of sleep, so I will work on it.
More importantly than the physical changes I am seeing, are the mental changes. I WANT to exercise and add more. I want to eat healthy (although, I must be honest, this is not as far as I would like it to be. I still want to eat things that are not good for me, but I'm getting better!). I love how I feel. I even thought I could work out with Dan who may start training some for the military (another post for another time, not going to worry about that anymore until it's final). For the first time since this plan has started, I have a sense of hope that things might really change. I think about my future and the things that I want and how being in better shape will help me achieve those goals. I don't want to be scared or unable to do things I really want to do just because I'm out of shape.
I just wanted to give all my faithful encouragers an update and let you know how much all of you have been a part of this process. It's not easy to quit when you know you have people rooting for you.

Child like

This past Sunday at church, God really showed me some interesting things. Sitting in front of us was a little girl who was about 2 1/2 years old. She was absolutely adorable and was dressed to the tee in a beautiful little dress. During worship, I was watching her some and she was dancing around to the beat of the music. She would also look up at her mom who was singing and would mimic what her mom was doing. The sight of her just dancing around and attempting to sing melted my heart and made me reflect on my relationship with Christ. Scripture talks about our faith being like that of a child and the the kingdom of God belongs to the children. I've often wondered about these different passages and felt on Sunday that i grasped them a little better.

The joy and carefree with which this child posessed was something I have longed for. Granted, she is only 2 1/2 and was probably more emulating what she saw her mother do, but I have seen it in children who are older and have a relationship with Christ. They possess this carefree attitude and are able to worship freely and uninhibited. They are uninhibited by the cares of the world. Most of them don't have to worry about mortgages, bills, spouses, jobs, school, etc. They know that their needs are being met by their parents. They know that they don't have to worry about anything because they are protected.

As adults or even teen-agers, we get caught up in the craziness that is the world we live in. We lose that worry free attitude and at some point decide that if we don't worry about it, then no one will. How many times during worship or a sermon or during my prayer time has my mind wandered to the things I have to do, my future, and a whole list of other things I have to worry about? More times than I can remember. I think that as we grow up, we think that we have to lose our child like faith, that that is only something for kids age 12 and under. What really happens is that we don't allow our Father to care for us. We start having worries and fears and become consumed with these things because we're "Adults" and have to worry about stuff. Just like parents take care of their children and this allows the children to not have to worry and fear things, our Father takes care of His children and gives us the protection and freedom to worship uninhibited. Too many times we don't allow Him to do this and take on our worries and fears ourselves. I have been asking myself this week, "what needs to happen to have my faith look more like that of a child's?" A lot needs to change but I think the first thing to go needs to be my lack of trust that I am taken care of. We'll start there and keep pushing forward.

Pool side

So, this is my new exercise for the week! Ok, actually not really but kind of. I have started attending classes at the aqautic center Mon-thurs. I go to aqua box (which is kickboxing in the water) on Mon and Wed and water pilates on Tues and Thurs. I even recruited some girls from work to attend with me. It's really a great workout and works a bunch of different mucsles than I have been working. My friend's husband teases her and asks if she's working out with the grandma's (see pic). However, most people in my classes are more middle aged or closer to my age. We even use water weights, which just about killed my arms last night.

I love it because it's a new, refreshing workout. I'm not gettin as much cardio yet so i may have to supplement some runs/walks when the weather gets a little warmer. I was feeling down and burned out (I know, it's only been two months) but this week has really been rejuvenating for me and I really feel I can see more changes in my body. I am not dreading going to my workouts and actually look forward to going. The biggest challenge is going to be trying to convince Dan to come with me one time! He should be supportive right? ;)

I am now armed with my towel, swimsuit, and SELF magazine (thanks Elisa!) and ready for another 2 months of beating my body into submission!

Love. . . Not for the faint of heart

I have been having many revelations about myself over the past few weeks. I have been attributing these revelations to my turning 25, but who knows.
I have realized that i am very tenderhearted, to such an extreme that the near death of my stray cat can bring me to tears. I realized that I have been blessed beyond measure to not have experienced much loss in my life. I have not had to experience much pain or hardship. In many ways I am grateful for the life that I have lived, but in others it scares me to wonder whether I will be strong enough when painful situations arise.

Sometimes I think that it is better not to fall in love, not to get a dog, not to love others so deeply because at some point, it will all come to an end. When I think about losing ones I love, having to put my dog to sleep, experiencing the pain that friends go through trying to have children, my heart literally hurts. I do not think I can stand the pain. Whenever anyone close to me is hurting and I can do nothing to help or alleviate their pain, I wonder if it is all worth it.
We allow others to get close to us, whether it's a significant other, a friend, or even family and we KNOW that they will cause us pain many times throughout our lives, yet we continue to engage in these relationships. We are not perfect beings and as hard as we strive not to, we will experience pain and we will cause pain to others. Scripture says that it is good for us to perservere, to go through difficult times and so I know that there is value in those times. However, the thought of them scare me and sadden me.

Mnay times I have asked myself if it is worth it, to love so deeply and risk losing that person. Many people guard themselves to avoid being hurt or because they have been hurt in the past. They don't allow others to love them or allow themselves to love others. I have the opposite problem. I dive headfirst in and give it my all, not stopping to question whether it is worth it until too late. I have experienced some heartache because of this but mostly have experience joy and incredible relationships. It's hard for me to imagine being any different. I'm glad that God made me this way and I'm glad God has surrounded me with people who are different than me and love differently than me so I can experience the other side of things.

Love is difficult, no matter what context it's in. Love takes work, it's not always happy and it's not always easy but it is always worth it.

"But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. " 1 Co 13:13

First day of Spring. . .Kind of

First day of Spring!! This day is supposed to be a gloriously sunny day, with temperatures soaring into the mid 60's. Instead, we are under a winter weather advisory until Tuesday night and they are expecting 4-8 inches of snow and sleet. Ugh. But in honor of this day that is supposed to be a turning point in the weather, I thought i'd make a list of a few of my favorite things!Copying the format from a friend. . .

2-number of hours spent talking on the phone with my best friend last night
530-time i will attend my first "aqua box" class tonight. (water kickboxing at the Aquatic ctr)
3-nights a week they offer this class, as well as water yoga and pilates
1-Day of April i have set the goal for myself to have my grad school app completed and mailed
6,000- dollars it will cost me a year to attend grad classes, not including the cost of driving or books
4-day of May Dan and I hope to be leaving for Hawaii
12-Day of May Dan and I will be crying because we have to leave Hawaii
477-dollars i hope to be paying for my plane ticket to Hawaii
4-hours(or before bedtime) my friend Katie has to call me if she gets engaged.
4-hour time difference between Hawaii and Kirksville, meaning I could get a VERY late night phone call.
1 1/2-weeks i have been playing phone tag with my friend Hannah
630-time in the morning we had to leave for Columbia this weekend to meet my mom.
12-pounds lost on my diet plan
25-age i currently reached and began having a quarter life crisis.
6-10-ladies in my Morman cook club...
1-angry person i am going to be if we really get all the weather they are calling for! It's the freaking first day of Spring!!!!

Hope everyone enjoys their day. Hopefully some of you are experiencing more spring like weather and soaking up the rays!

Quarter Life Crisis

This Sunday I woke up, realizing that I am no longer in my "early 20's" but have transitioned into my "mid-twenties" and am on the downhill slide to 30. Earlier in the week, I started getting upset thinking about turning 25. I told Dan I did not want to celebrate my birthday and just wanted to pretend that it was not happening and go on telling everyone that I am a mere 24 years old. He gently informed me that I could only pull that off for so long and also reminded me that I would not get any presents if I did not celebrate my birthday. grrr.
I
know many of my friends have turned 25 and wonder if they all had this same fear strike in their heart. Gone are the lazy days of summer, the spring breaks, the youth group trips, the lack of responsibiity. Here to stay are the mortgages, the full time jobs, the bills, the full time responsibilities. That is scary to me. I still FEEL young.

My mom was informing me this weekend that on her 25th birthday (her birthday is one day after mine), she had a 4 year old daughter and was thinking that when she (me) was 25, she would be 46. She couldn't possibly imagine that day. . . yet it's here.

What will the next 25 years of my life bring? 25 more years and I will be 50!!!! i cannot even begin to fathom that. What do I want to be when I grow up? I am running out of time and refuse to believe that I am "grown up". Sometimes I think that being married automatically transforms you into a grown up. I don't know why I have that mindset but it seems that married people get older and more responsible and go to bed earlier (of course we all know why that is:) ). Maybe i'll feel old if I get married. Maybe I'll old if I get a new job. Maybe i won't feel old until I'm a mom myself. Heck, maybe I'll never feel old and will just keep living with this disillusionment that I am stil 15.

I wonder if this is what a quarter life crisis feels like. . .

Whirlwind weekend

This weekend was a crazy, whirlwind of activity. Dan, Brandy, and I all went to KC for my birthday, which was on Sunday. During that weekend, I had to throw a wedding shower for a friend, shop, have multiple birthday celebrations and out run some tornadoes. I know all these things sound like great activities, but when you try and cram them all in to one weekend, it makes for an exhausting time!! On Sat while I was frantically running around, trying to get this wedding shower up and running, Dan and Brandy were frantically driving around KC, trying to find my birthday present. For those who know either of these two, this was a bad idea from the very beginning. Neither of them have any sense of direction and I would venture to say that the majority of friends who read my blog have probably at one time or another been lost with either one of these two, even in a place where they SHOULD know their way around! So they had many exciting stories to tell me the next day.
We were scheduled to stay until Monday but after waking up Sunday morning and discovering that my parent's plumbing was backed up and there would be no running water until at least Monday, we had to start reconsidering our position. On top of having 8 people staying in the house, we had two shih tzu's , one pit bull, one cat, and 3 birds...it was a flippin mad house. So after pizza and ice cream cake to celebrate not only my bday but also my mom's (whose was the 13th) and my sister in law's (whose is the 20th), we opened presents and then realized that all the tv stations were issuing tornado warnings and severe thunderstorm warnings. It was at this point that we thought we'd better pack up if we were leaving that day. So we rushed around and took off for Kirksville. The whole way home we kept hearing radio reports about where tornadoes were, cities the "super cells" were directly over. We were consistently about 15 minutes out of each of these cities when the storms hit. Thankfully, we made it back in one piece and even got to see a rainbow. I received some great presents, some collectable items, (a lot of money to go towards my Hawaii trip!yea katie!!) and a beautiful necklace from Dan. (see pic above). Overall it was a good weekend, with the exception of turning 25....but that is another post for another time.

A little cheering up

Yeah! These are the flowers that brightened my night last night. Dan did not even know I was having a discouraging day and said he just wanted to suprise me with flowers and a card because he wants to make sure he knows how proud of me he is, not just for the working out and eating right but just in general. He's proud to be my boyfriend. Sweet.

Motivation Plateau

So...when is the working out and eating right supposed to be rewarding? When will I feel like I am really accomplishing something? When will I look forward to workouts and not dread them wtih a passion? When will I gain the self-control and self-discipline to venture out on my own? Certainly not yet. . . I can't even handle 3 days of no supervision. I choose not to work out and to eat somewhat crappy (although not as bad as I had thought, i really do feel my appetite changing, so that's good). When will I not fear the scale or the measuring tape? (ok probably never on that one). I just feel discouraged right now, feel like giving up and I'm only 2 months into what needs to be a lifelong change and at least a year or longer until I get to where I need to be. Will I give up before then? I don't want to, but i never wanted to all the other times before. I feel like I lack the drive to get me through another month. I feel fiery and that I may lash out at those around me who are trying to help. I feel stubborn and unmotivated. Maybe it's just a phase I've hit. Maybe it's just another obstacle to push through to get to the prize. I'm not sure I can do it. . .and come out liking myself and others. . .we shall see.

Jessica's Law

This is a picture of Jessica Lunsford who was was abducted and sexually assaulted before being brutally murdered by a convicted sexual offender living near her. Since her death, Florida has passed a law into effect called "Jessica's Law". Here are some of the guidelines and what safety harnesses Jessica's law would put into effect for convicted sex offenders.

*Ensure that all child molesters who molest children under the age of 14 are put into a prison with a mandatory minimum sentence of 15 years or 25 years to life. Closes all loopholes in California’s “one-strike” laws.
*Eliminate all “good-time” credits for sex offenders ensuring that these sex offenders are required to serve their entire sentence and will not be released for good behavior.
*Electronically monitor convicted sex offenders for life, if they are ever released from prison, through GPS tracking.
*Create a 2,000 foot “predator-free” zone around schools and park to prevent sex offenders from living near where our children learn and play.

You can go to http://www.jessicaslaw2006.com/fact_sheet.pdf to find out more of what Jessica's law will establish.
I think this seems like a FANTASTIC law that we all should push for in each of the 50 states. I can't imagine why anyone would be opposed to this law, although some lawmakers are. The devastation that sexual abuse brings on children is incredible. THe number of children who are sexually abused each year are climbing. The rehabilitation rate for sexual offenders is VERY low. Experience shows that children who have been molested have a higher probability of becoming sexual offenders themselves as opposed to children who have never been abused.

I think that we need to take a stronger stand and help protect our children.

Celebration Time, Come on!!

Yeah! We finished Phase 2! Today is Celebration day and the temperature is near 70 degrees! you really can't get much better than that!! So here are my final results for the last two months!!! I have lost a total of 12 pounds and 12 3/4 inches. Now the inches only take into account one arm and one leg so it's actually probably a few more inches if we include both parts! So this was definitely exciting. I did a little protein diet at the end (sat, sun, and mon) where I ate nothing but protein and veggies. I think i will puke if i see anymore beef or chicken for awhile. This was to get my metabolism moving and give it a jump start. It seemed to work really well being that I lost 4 pounds this week alone. Obviously it's not something i want to do every week but every few months or when I hit a plateau, it's a good jump starter.

This phase seemed a little more difficult both physically and emotionally. Physicall, I added another workout routine which worked different muscles so I constantly felt like my muscles were aching. Emotionally it was just difficult because there were some gains and disappointing weeks plus the newness and excitement had worn off and it was just another diet. I have yet to decide if I will commit myself for another month. Not saying I won't continue with this regime, but possibly just not under Dan's command. I am not sure and need to really evaluate myself and where I am at. I just don't know if I've built up the self-control i need to stick with it without someone pushing me. We shall see. Overall i feel a lot better and think i look a lot better and hope that i can continue to see results! Thanks for supporting me!!