Who do I think I am?

These little aliens are a good representation of how I have been feeling lately. The last 3 weeks at work have been incredibly stressful. I got my first fever blister, that I'm fairly certain was brought on by stress. I have big lumps in my throat and around my jaw line, which I think is the beginning of a sickness. I have been constantly exhausted at the end of the day, mentally and physically, and I have cried at the thought of going back to work the next morning. In the last 3 weeks, I'm not sure I have worked a week less than 50 hours. I feel bad for wanting to go home at 7pm when I've been there since 8 or 9 that morning. I dont' want to feel bad about that. It's not that I really have a life, I just don't want to be at work that much. I knew this was a danger when i took this job, getting sucked in to working all the time. As I write this, it's 5:25am and I am on call this weekend and scheduled to work 16 hours this weekend, hence me working overnight. I feel like God has really been challenging me a lot lately and using them to get me thinking. Over and over again I have wondered if I made the right decision, taking this job because honestly I have not enjoyed it as much as I thought I would. I have asked myself over and over again if I maybe made a mistake in what I thought God was telling me about this job. However, while I have not come to any final conclusions about that, I do feel God has been challenging me with this: just because things are going great and just because I am not happy, that doesn't necessarily mean that God didn't want me here. I think we equate making the "right" decisions with how we feel. If it makes us feel good, well then it must have been right. It we feel sad or bad about it, then it had to be wrong or we must've mis heard what God was telling us. I think this is a mindset I need to get over and get over quickly. I'm not entirely sure who I think I am, thinking that I deserve to live an untouched, safe, happy life-never being pushed or moved out of my comfort zone. It's kind of like that song we used to sing in youth group, Refiner's Fire. If I can't take the heat or am unwilling to get uncomfortable and take it, I can't be refined, I can't be made better.

I'm not saying some things don't need to change about my work hours or the amount of work I am taking on, but I think my attitude does need to change about why I'm here and I really need to look at my purpose for being where i'm at right now.