Lessons from The Daily Show

"Democracy is not won with a barrel of a gun"
This quote was from a woman, whose name I can't remember but is a member of the white house press corps and was a guest on the Daily Show last night. I thought it was a very interesting comment and one that I don't agree with. She went on to say that democracy is won by doing work exchange programs, teacher exchange programs, training the militaries of other countries, etc. HMM. I see a couple of things wrong with this. I think the countries that she is probably alluding to are the ones that are in turmoil, with dictorship type governments who are killing off people faster than we can count. I don't think that waltzing in there and offering to exchange teachers or employers are going to fly with these governments. We see the consequences now of training other militaries(osama bin laden). There are a few people at the top who are controlling the whole country, making life miserable for most of their countrymen. These people are not going to take kindly to us talking gently to them, pleading with them, or making deals with them. Is it our place to get involved in the first place? I don't know. Can we or should we stand by why their governments kill off hudnreds of thousands of people? I wouldn't think so. People say you shouldn't fight with guns or war, but i wonder if sometimes that's the only thing certain groups will listen to. Look at America. Our own democracy was won through a barrel of a gun (and maybe some bayonets). I think in a perfect world we could look for world peace, look for leaders who would lay down their dictatorship rule and allow the people to have some say. But the reality is, we live in a fallen world that is only going to continue to get worse. Sure, it may get better for a little while but ultimately it will get worse. Does that mean we should go shoot everybody up? by no means! But i think it does mean we have to look at things realistically and realize that sometimes talk is not enough. The people we are dealing with are typically not rational, decent human beings. If they were, we wouldn't have to be threatening them with such extreme action. They would listen to reason, they would do what's in the best interest of their people, not themselves. I don't like war anymore than the next person but i do think it's necessary and is a part of life.

A wonderful morning

Seriously, I love this guy. Today he is going to play paintball with some friends(hence the camo gear). He came over very early this morning because everyone was going to meet at my house due to it's central location. He came over and woke me up with the most beautfiul bouquet of flowers EVER! He had been out that morning and said he got them for me because he knew I had had a long, tough week at work. and because he loves me. What a wonderful start to my day! Now i must go mow the yard...

Chicago

I am wanting to take a trip to Chicago. I have a friend whose birthday is coming up in July and we've always talked about going to Chicago. Now, she is the type of person who does not like to fly or drive in the city so i will pretty much just have to book it and give it to her. We are going to take the train from Kirksville and stay for a weekend! However, i have NEVER been to Chicago and know absolutely NOTHING about it so i am reaching out to my blog world for some help. Where do we want to stay(michigan ave?), what do we want to do? How do we get everywhere? It will probably be me and her and one other friend from work. Please Help!!!

Only in Kirksville

Only in Kirksville can you find:

* people riding their lawn tractors down the road as if they were cars.
* people who are riding their lawn tractors down the road, pulling a cart behind them with their kids in it.
* people "hanging out" at Wal-mart
*People hanging out, having deep conversations in the Wal=Mart food court because NOTHING is open after 9pm.(i did that, i admit!)
* "The City"- everyone who has been to Kirksville knows what i'm talking about.
* the duals- a stretch of lanes that switches to 4 lane.
* More bars than restaurants
* "Crickers" sitting on their front porch with thier pit bulls running loose around the neighborhood
* kids who came here "just to go to college!" and are still here 5 years later. . .
* El Vaquero!!!(ok apparently you can also find it in Moberly, lake of the ozarks, wentzville and maybe a few other places..)
* people who have satellite dishes, big screen t.v.'s, 25 cases of mountain dew, 5 cartons of cigarrettes and an eviction notice on their front door
* a pond that they were "draining to refill and make it look a lot better", that is actually full of trees now.
*a road system that is so screwed up. You may follow a road to the end, only to realize it picks back up on the other end of town.
*a town that only has 1 tornado siren...seriously, this is a problem for me!
* a population of 14,000 but has been on CNN twice in the past 3 years!

I love this little town but it definitely has its quirks. Everyday it seems i see something new that just amazes me and sets this town apart; so set it apart for the good, others for the bad.

Reflections

Today at work I was having a conversation with some of the girls and we were discussing the frustration and utter disgust we feel with some of the parents we work with. We began discussing if they know right from wrong. I cannot fathom how a parent can think it's alright to sexually abuse their child or allow someone else to do it. I cannot fathom how a parent can put their needs ahead of their child's constantly. We were sharing about people we know who have lived through similar life experiences as our clients, yet seem to live a semi-well adjusted life and certainly do not expose their children to the same things they were exposed to as children. What is the difference?
After a rather stressful meeting that ended at 5, I debriefed with Dan and discussed this very issue. The family has a long history of sexual abuse. The mom of the children i work with was one of the worse sexual abuse cases in Missouri's history. Her own mother used to take her brothers and leave the house so that her dad could sexually abuse her. Now, her own children are exhibiting sexual behaviors that are way beyond their years. The kids are all under the age of 7. There is great suspicion that there is something happening to the children or has happened to them.
As I was discussing this with Dan, I was trying to get my mind around how people can do this...and especially to children. They are so innocent and trusting, yet so impressionable. My first instinct with these parents is to go across the table at them and shake them. My second is to take these kids away from them and never let them see them again. My third is similar to my first. However, I realize that most of these parents don't know any other way.That is the conclusion I have come to. The difference between the people who turn out ok, have good families and don't subject their own children to the abue they suffered are ones who have other people in their life to look to. They might have an extended family member or an older brother or sister. Maybe it's a church member or a teacher. But they have support and a role model to look up to. If you ask any of the parents i work with, most of them will say that they NEVER want their children to experience the things they experienced and that they will NEVER subject their child to that. But they do. They do it because they know no different. I truly believe that most of them want to protect their children and raise them right but they don't know how.

I liken it to children of divorced parents. Those children are more likely to grow up and get divorced themselves, than children who were raised in a "fucntional family". I believe it's because they don't know what a good marriage is supposed to look like. The same with these parents i work with. Most of them have never had anyone show them how to be a good parent. They don't know how to protect their child because no one ever protected them or reached out to help them. Most of them are still denying their own demons.

I don't say this to make excuses for them. Their behaviors are inexcusable, unacceptable, and devastating to the children. I do say this to remind myself that their actions are not completely out of lack of love for their children. I say it to remind myself to have a sliver of compassion, not for their actions and the way they put their children in danger, but fo the life they've lived and the difficult things they've endured.
I mostly remind myself of this to keep myself from flying across the table at them.

A Song

Every now an' then, on my home,
I stop at a spot where the wild flowers grow, an' I pick a few,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
I go out with my boys all right,
But most of the time I call it a night before they do,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
Sunday mornin', I'm in church,
An' my butt an' my back an' necktie hurt, but I'm in the pew,
She don't tell me to.

Any other woman I know would have tried,
To control me and it would be over.
Plannin' on my goin' on my own way attitude.
All of that stubborness melts away,
When I wake with her head on my shoulder,
An' I know I've got to love her,
Until my life is through,
'Cause she don't tell me to.

Well, I got demons and I've got pride,
But when I'm wrong, I apologise like she's mine to lose,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
Well, I got dreams in this heart of mine,
But nothin' that I wouldn't lay aside if she asked me to.
'Cause she don't tell me to.
An' she don't even know,
That she keeps lookin' for the next right thing to do,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
Yeah, yeah.

Any other woman I know would have tried,
To control me and it would be over.
Plannin' on my goin' on my own way attitude.
And all of that stubborness melts away,
When I wake with her head on my shoulder,
An' I know I've got to love her,
Until my life is through,
What else can I do?
What else can I do?
Whoa, I love her,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
She don't tell me to.

Every now an' then, on my home,
I stop at a spot where the wild flowers grow, an' I pick a few,
Yes I do.

I love this song. Dan tells me that this song reminds him of me and that's why he likes it. He told me that before i even told him i liked the song. He does stop sometimes and pick wildflowers on the side of the road to bring to me. In fact, he got a whole bunch of vials(things you put the stem of a rose in that has water in it) and kept them in his car just for instances like that. I love this man because he actually worried for a minute that i might try to sing this song to you guys on my new found audiopost feature! haha. anyways, this is just a shout out to him to reiterate how wonderful he is and how much i appreciate his love.

This is Only a test

Lists

I have discovered this week that i LOVE lists. I like to make lists of things to do(they don't always get done and i'm not anal about crossing things off), I like to make lists of kids I need to see during the week, I like to make lists of reasons why i like my friends(i show them these lists, it's not like i sit around and right them just for the fun of it), i make lists as to why my friend's guys are either serial killers or not. I love lists. Therefore, i am going to make a list for you folks!
1. I am dog sitting my friend's dog for the weekend and my male dog is going crazy, which is making me crazy.
2. My dog is a shih tzu and maybe weighs 12 pounds. Her dog is a rhodesian ridgeback and weighs about 60.
3. Deep water aerobics kicked my butt tonight.
4. I made pancakes and eggs for Dan and I to eat tonight.
5. My week at work has been incredibly busy and I'm so glad it's Friday.
6. I am applying for a new job!!
7. I love that my boyfriend talks about me to his coworkers.
8. I love the fourth of July.
9. i miss my BFF and can't wait for her to get back from India
10. yea to my friend Leanne and her husband Will who close on their new house next week!
11. I did not get much sleep last night, thanks to the dogs
12. I will probably not get much sleep this weekend, thanks to the dogs
13.. After last night, I'm not sure i want kids
14. I'm glad it's Friday
15. I hope i have a date this weekend!

ok just a little list for you all since i don't have a whole lot of important and deep things to write about!

Time well spent

This is an e-mail I received from my best friend, who is currently in India with her school for 5 weeks, doing missionary work, and experiencing life in India. She sent this e-mail about her first day working in one of the homes Mother Theresa started. I thought it was very challenging and heartwrenching.

"i went to Daya Dan this morning. it is one of the six homes that mother teresa started. of course i will explain more later, but wanted to share initially my thoughts. we spent our time doing very ordinary things. we first woke the children up and took off their clothes. we then carried them into the bathroom, where they were bathed. most of them cannot walk and all of them are mentally handicapped. we then wiped down the beds, changed the sheets and then went up on the roof and washed clothes and hung them out to dry. there was a strong smell of urine and poop, both in the bathroom and when washing the clothes and bed sheets and underwear.......unfortunately, there are more children than helpers, and they are unable to potty train most of them. as i wiped down the bed, i noticed the name of the child taped to the bed. paulino. a girl who knows family only as the strangers who come in and out of her life from all over the world. as i wiped down the bed, i just began to cry......immediately thoughts of the verse "if you do unto the least of these, you do unto Me". good thing that in Kolkata, it is so hot that sweat is constantly dripping off of our faces, noone knew the difference between my sweat and tears. i actually think those are the best kind of tears....the tears and sweat together....doing the ordinary things to serve really are the most important. i wonder why i cannot understand that when living in america. paulino will not know that i wiped down her bed and the sister in charge will not remember the faces or names of the volunteers that come in and out of the house. nonetheless, it was an important act of service to paulino when she lays back down tonight. it provokes the question, in what kind of ordinary ways am i serving in waco?"

If you want to read more about her time in India, click on the name "Megs" in my link section.

Small town adventures

Yesterday me, some girls from work, a few of their husbands(the ones not studying for the med school boards) and Dan, trekked out on a great adventure in Northeast Missouri, hitting the "must see spots" of the locals. Two of the girls from work are leaving in July(sad, verry verry sad) so their husbands can continue pursuing some degree(seriously, they don't need them!). Anyways, so we wanted to have a little adventure before they left. The first picture you see is a picture of the Rutledge Dog and gun show. I guess back in the day, they used to mostly just sell, you guess it, dogs and guns. However that is not the case now and it has grown into quite a spectacle. We were worried because the guys drove off in one car and raced ahead and we ended up losing them. In the age of cell phones, neither of them had theirs on them. We decided that we four girls could handle the crickers and scary people and hoped that the boys knew we had to meet them at our next destination by 1. Let me paint you a picture of what this was like. 3 city girls, one who is pregnant, 1 girl raised in rural america, all of us walking through vendors who are selling things from guns to dog collars to junk that looks like it came out of their trash can. We are heading to the "timber" to find the animals among which they also sell kittens, chickens, roosters, goats, birds, etc. In my head i am remembering Dan telling me how they moved most of the sale OUT of the timber because too many people were getting raped or attacked. . .But we march on like the brave city girls we are, cursing the guys for abandoning us while trying to take in the "culture" around us. In the "timber" we saw lots of animals, including our guys. Dan said that he knew that if they would me anywhere it would be where the animals were. Very true. Props to him. But i diverge. So we gave the boys a cell phone and split up again, agreeing to meet at our next destination at 1. Well we decided that the bloomin onions smelled too good to pass up and hey, our pregnant lady wanted them and who are we to deny her? So we ate bloomin onions, waited in line 20 minutes for famous limeades only to find out they were out of sugar water(what?i know) and thenhad to drive to our next destinations with verbal directions that sounded like this:" Take a right out of the first entrance of the flea market, go through Rutledge, past the Mennonite store, up a hill and around another curve. You'll come to a T in the road, take a right. Go about 200 yards and turn left on a blacktop, take that around till a gravel road..." you get the picture. With those directions, who wouldn't get lost!? we were actually very close and a nice mennonite woman kindly pointed out the way as i was standing on her front porch.
The second picture yo u see is of our second adventure, Dancing Rabbits. Wow, if you have never seen it, ya should. It is an eco-village, where everything is made from recycled things or earth. Rumor has it that they run around naked and smoke pot, neither of which i doubt. Some of their ideas are good, some a little raddical, and others just downright crazy. Most of their houses are made from straw bales, some reinforced with lime plaster. They have co-ops for EVERYTHING. if you want to use an indoor toilet(which by the way is just a hole with a bucket underneath, which you then have to clean out) you have to pay to be apart of the co-op. They have food co-ops, phone co-ops, computer co-ops, any kind you can imagine. I did find it a little funny that they didn't condone the idea of running water or toilets but most every hut was equipped with high speed internet....check out their website for more pics and ideals they hold. www.dancingrabbit.org
So that was quite an experience and we were ready to book it out of theree before they served us the kool-aid:) Our next and final stop on the trip was to the Mennonite store(remember the one we passed on our way to dancing rabbits?) . This was where we found the best homemade doughnuts I've ever had. They have homemade everything there! After that we headed back to one of the girls house for a bbq and debriefing about our adventures. It was quite a day in rural america but one that will definitely go down in the memory books!

The Five "Love" Languages

Being the amaaazing girlfriend that I am ;) I decided that it might be a good idea to read up on the ole 5 love languages and make sure that Dan and I were communicating in the way that would be best for each other. I checked the book out from the library and Dan and I spent some time last night reading through it together. Now, I was very gung ho about this and was taking it seriously as was he, until we got to chapter two about the "love tank". This lead to numerous jokes as well as annoying comments. I just marched on like a trooper, reading loudly over the stupid jokes and making some snide comments, to which he would reply, " you're depleting my love tank!" and then laugh hysterically. Now I admit, it was funny at times and i was laughing some. So after that, I decided that we both needed to take the quizzes at the back of the book to determine what our individual love languages were before reading about the different love languages. We started with him and i got out a pen and a piece of paper to record the profound answers that would take our love to the next level. Question one: "Would you rather receive a hug from your partner or hear your partner say i love you". Dan's response was.
"both, depends on the day...i can't answer that". As i LOVINGLY tried to explain to him that it was what he would MOST enjoy or feel the MOST loved from, he kept saying he didn't know and that he liked both of them. So i answered the question for him. This sort of thing went on for the next 10 questions with him only really answering one. I was very frustrated at this point because COME ON! just answer the questions!! We were arguing back and forth about the questions and both starting to get very frustrated with each other. Finally i made a mean comment as to which he got up and left the room. We sat alone for about 15 minutes before I went in and apologized to him. He explained to me that to him, the questions were equally as good and it would be like asking a victim of domestic violence if she would rather her husband slap her or calling her a bad name. Obviously you want neither. So we made up and then laughed hysterically about the fact that while we were trying to improve our love, we ended up arguing and not speaking to each other. We decided to nix the book. I think Dan put it best when he told me, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".

Gettin' old

Today i had lunch with a good friend from college who was in my small group. She just graduated college and is going through the process of trying to find a job. She was married a year ago and her and her husband are moving to St. Louis in August for him to attend Covenant seminary there. She was expressing me to her frustration and mixed emotions about finding a job and stated she felt like she was going through a quarter life crisis. I thought this would be a good topic of a post because I know exactly how she feels.
When i graduated college, i stuck around and interned at the BSU while working full time at juvenile Justice Center. That year i was still immersed in college life and doing the college thing but i was slowly starting to get a glimpse of the real world as i would have to go to work while all my friends had a game night at my house. After that year, I lived on my own and pretty much exited the college world completely. I got more involved in my church and started making friends with people i worked with and getting made fun of by my college friends for going to bed at 9:30. It was during this time that I went through an interesting time spiritually. I was stuck in the middle. I didn't quite fit in as an "Adult" but I wasn't a "college kid" either. I didn't fit in with the married category but didn't feel i could join a singles group cuz i was in a dating relationship. My faith was redefined for a second time in my life. I was no longer constantly surrounded by faithful Christians who did "christian things". I felt that since i was not involved in a "ministry activity" every night, such as in college, then I was somehow failing God.
I feel like my God really showed me some amazing things about myself during this time. He guided me into being the woman he wanted me to become(and still is..i'm nowhere close!:)). My faith was no longer defined by how many BSU activities i attend or don't attend. It wasn't defined by how many "theological conversations" i could have in one week. My faith was defined by how God was working in my life. I felt that the evidence of God's work was more evident because I was not constantly surrounded my Christians. He brought new people into my life who i have formed amazing friendships with, as well as been able to share the gospel with them,not all the time in words but with my life.I learned to appreciate the many generations in my church and found great wisdom in so many of the people there. I learned that community does not always look a certain way. I discovered that I could be closer to God than I ever had been and not attend a single ministry event that week. I learned that it is difficult to be in this position. It's a strange time in one's life. A time where you don't quite fit into any stereotype or group. It's a growing time, not only in your relationship with Christ but also within yourself. I'm glad that i'm through that time but I'm equally glad that I went through it. It has helped shape me into who I am today and who i will become tomorrow.

I'm tired

I'm tired of parents who don't want to take care of their children.
I'm tired of parents who want everyone else to "fix" their child but don't want to lift a finger to help. I'm tired of parents who can't take responsibility for their mistakes and expect me to teach their children to take responsibility for their actions. I'm tired of children not taking any responsibility for their actions. I'm tired of the system putting sibling sex offenders back in the home with the victim that they extensively perpetrated on for over a year. I'm tired of stupid lawyers defending the parents whose only worry about their child being placed out of their home is that they will no longer be receiving the child's disability check. I'm tired of parent spending money(which they get from the government mind you) on cigarrettes and mountain dew and then expect everyone else to provide for their children. I'm tired of wasting my breath and time on people who could care less about what I have to say. I'm tired of placing kids back in a home where you know they will fail because the state says we have to. I'm tired of paperwork. I'm tired of driving around to clients houses for them only to have forgotten our appointment. I'm tired of being blamed because a kid failed a grade because he and the parents were too lazy during the school year to take any action. I'm tired of schools promoting kids to the next grade, regardless of attendance or grades, simply because they have an IEP(special ed). I'm tired of any kid who has behavior problems being classified as special ed. I'm tired of kids being placed on all kinds of medication for diagnoses they don't have. I' m tired of this field.
I've had a bad day, can you tell?


On a lighter note, i have posted some pics of the inside of my house at the request of Lieutenant Ingham:) so if you want to check them out, click on sams pics under the links section.