Love

Yesterday I was sitting in the Division of Family Services office, waiting for a meeting to start. I was sitting next to an elderly gentleman who was waiting to meet with his medicaid case worker. Another lady was sitting next to him, discussing how she had just gotten out of the nursing home for some illness. The man then told her that his wife was going to have to go into the nursing home this Friday. The lady asked him why and he said that she had cancer and that the doctor's said there was nothing else he could do for her. She was essentially going to spend the remaining days of her life in the nursing home. The man said that she had breast cancer and had beaten it once about 10 years ago but that it had come back and was now running rampant through her body. He discussed how she was scared but that he was unable to care for her anymore and could not afford to have someone in the home 24-7. He was then talking about his house and how they had a little 2 bedroom, which was enough for them but soon it would probably be just him.
As I was sitting there listening to all this, my heart was breaking and I was trying to refrain from crying. Finally I could not stop the tears and had to step outside for a minute, lest someone see me. This of course got me thinking about losing someone you love. How awful to share life with someone only to have them ripped away from you. How do people go on? How will this old man be able to go home every night and be surrounded with memories of his wife of 50 years. Who will he talk to? Who will he share things with? The person he shared his life with will be gone. How do you prepare yourself for something like that?

Is love worth it? I like to think yes, but when i hear stories like that, i sometimes think i couldn't handle it. That it's better to never attach yourself to someone in such a way that the very thought of them being taken from you is enough to make you cry. I think a good perspective (and one i will definitely need to have more of if i get married and have kids) is that they belong to God and we are allowed to share life with them for a little while. We have to entrust them into God's hands. We have to realize that they are not ours in the sense that we have no right to them when it comes to God.

I love to love, but sometimes just cannot fathom losing those who are closest to me. I get scared and want to push others away just so i don't lose them(ironic, i know) but somehow i always fall back into pulling them closer, despite my fears.

Ah love, what a difficult thing

Wedding Weekend!

This weekend was spent in KC at a good friend's wedding. She and her husband Will were married on Sunday and are currently enjoying Shamu at Sea World in San Diego!!! The weekend was a blast and i've included pictures from flickr(see pictures under links).
The weekend started out rough with a flat tire on a small 2 lane highway at 9pm at night. No lights on the road, no flashlights, and lots of cars whizzing by at 60 mph. Luckily Dan was with me and was able to quickly change the tire and get us back on the way, after a brief scolding for not carrying a flashlight in my car. Hey, that's what my cell phone was good for:)
On sat we dropped my tire at Wal-mart to get fixed, with the intention of my parents picking it up since we would be in Kansas the rest of the weeken for wedding stuff. Later my mom calls to inform me that Wal-Mart Gave my tire away...not only my tire but my entire wheel!!! Panic set in as they were encouraging my mom to buy a new tire and they would "reimburse her", the closest wheel place being a good 30-45 minutes away. Needless to say, that didn't happen and the guy they gave my tire to returned about 8pm that evening and i got my wheel back, as well as a free tire for my trouble...thanks wal-mart.
All day Sat was spent at Ladies luncheons, bbq's, and rehearsal dinners. It was fun to catch up with old friends and meet new friends. The weather was perfect except gave us a little scare sat night when it started hailing, thunder and lightening, and raining. But Sunday we awoke to a beautiful day, perfect for an outdoor wedding. Sat night was spent with the bride, and a friend from college who was also the bride's roommate freshman year at Truman. We reminisced about out lives then, when we were all with different guys than we are now, but soo sure we were going to marry those guys. Amazing how we grow up and mature and how God has different plans than our plans!
5:45 came early on Sunday as we rolled out of bed to start getting ready(ok, Sarah and I didn't roll out until 6:15 but Leanne was up and at 'em!) It was so much fun helping her get ready and getting her to the place by 9! The wedding went beautifully, we laughed, we cried, we ate, we danced. It was a fabulous but exhausting weekend! Yea Leanne and Will! Congratulations Norem's! weird!
On an unrelated note, I went running tonight. O.K., let me clarify, running/walking. I don't know what genius said that running releases endorphins that make you happy. . .all that is released when i run is curse words and loud puffs of air. I know they say you have to "break through the threshold of pain". I would like to break their head through the "threshold of pain".
Anyways! great weekend, one more week until Hawaii!!!dolphin adventure booked!!!

Hawaii, here we come!!

Ok, i can't contain my excitement anymore about Hawaii!! so time to play the numbers game, but this one is all about hawaii!!!
12-days until we leave for Hawaii!
1777.8-times i've been asked if i will be getting in engaged in Hawaii
1777.9-times i've told everyone NO!!!
86-dollars our "Swimming with the dolphins" adventure is going to cost, thanks to Katie's military discount!yeah!
4-hours we get to spend with the dolphins
7-days we have the mustang
4-days Katie has to work while we're there:(
5-days Katie doesn't have to work while we're there!
8-hours Dan is going to spend deep sea fishing by himself(with a captain and skipper of course, just without Katie or I)
2-other people we know in Hawaii and will be spending time with! yea for the Schnellbachers!!
1-st time i get to meet Katie's boyfriend of almost a year!!(who will probably be engaged before me!!!)
0-times i'm going to think about work while over there!(unless it's calling to brag to the girls while i'm on the beach!!)
7-pounds of fresh pineapple i plan on eating while over there...you've never tasted something soo good.
1-day we hope to rent a moped and toot around Kailua(where Katie lives)
2-6-dates in May that the spinner dolphins come in mass droves to the island!!
1-stop in Phoenix and switch a roo of planes before 6 more hours on an airplane to Hawaii!
11-number on a scale of 1-10 of how excited i am to be going!!!!

Yea for Hawaii and friends in Hawaii!! Yea for God given friendships. Yea for beautiful days like today!

. . .And the Fireworks Flew

Every once in a while, throughout this whole "get in shape" plan, Dan and I come to blows over something. Last night was one of those times. We went to Wal-Mart to do a little grocery shopping and to work on picking out some healthy food items. I felt that I had been doing a MUCH better job at finding healthy food, etc. Well. . . i have a weakness for cereal. I love cereal, any cereal and that aisle is where a very good night turned very bad, very quickly.
I was picking out some cereal to eat and picked up a bag of Tootie Fruties(yes, that's the off brand to Fruit loops). After i put them in my cart, Dan gently tells me he thinks maybe i should pick out a more healthy cereal. I calmly, yet defensively inform him that i have some shredded wheat at my house and that's healthy enough. He tells me again i should get something else and i tell him i am not going to unless he is going to enforce the, "trust him" rule. Which he does. So my blood is boiling at this point and in a moment that I am soo not proud of, I take the Tootie Fruities out of the cart and throw them on the shelf and say "you pick it out then".. I even had to crack a small smile because i could not believe the way i just acted. Then we move on to the cracker aisle, where i pick out some crackers to snack on at work. Further down the aisle we are discussing cooking more healthy meals and trying new foods and Dan makes the comment that i will have to prepare healthy snacks. I point out to him that i picked out some healthy snacks and point to the crackers in my cart. He tells me that those aren't really that healthy. At this point i get angry and say something to the effect of how i can never pick out the right food and am just going to let him pick everything out and again throw the crackers on the shelf. Well, this makes him mad and he says "fine " and storms off to pick out MY food! Anyways, to make a long story short, I started crying and went outside wal-mart so i didn't look like a freak. i then waited in the front of the store for him to finish and we walked out silently to my car. As we were driving to my house, he asks me if i want to talk. Through my sobbing i tell him that i want to feel like i can do it and that even though maybe the crackers weren't the best thing in the world to eat, they were certainly a ton better than what i would have chosen 4 months ago. He slams on the brakes and turns the car around and heads back to Wal-mart. We get to the parking lot and park and i ask him what we were doing. He said, " you're right, you're absolutely right and I'm sorry. Let's go get those crackers." I didn't want to go back in because i looked like a freak from crying but we did get to talk and he apologized for not being more encouraging and i apologized for being so hateful. I am going to work on not being so defensive when it comes to this and he is going to work on being more encouraging and telling me how proud he is of me.

Why i love him. . .when i got to my house and was unloading my groceries, i saw that there were Tootie Fruities in a bag. . ..
he came to pilates with me tonight and although did not participate, he watched me and swam some laps.

In the end, the fireworks show that looked like it was going to get out of control, ended up having a grande finale that we all hope for on the 4th of July.

Tidbits

Some random tidbits about my day: This beautiful hunk of metal you see pictured above(the car, not the dolphin)...totally the car we rented for Hawaii! One blissful week of riding in style!
The beautiful, playful dolphin you see pictured above, one of the many we hope to see and swim with on our 4 hour ocean tour. They will take us to where spinner dolphins eat and play in the wild and let us snorkel with them. sweet.
Brandy and I had a garage sale this morning. I was up at 5:30 getting things set out. This was our best prepared garage sale EVER. . . and our least successful. It was a bust.
I learned that the turtles I so wonderfully took pictures with in Hawaii last year, Totally love it when you swim with them! i'm sooo getting in.
Sunrise service at 7am tomorrow at the 'Hobe with breakfast to follow, then later Dan and i are eating dinner with my pastor and his wife since we have no one but each other to spend our Easter's with this year.
Realized today that I am frustrated with my getting in shape idea and want to quit. I have one more promised month and then we'll see. Is it really worth all the tears, struggles, pain, anger? not sure yet.
Does anyone else feel bad about "celebrating" Good Friday? The day our Savior was crucified on a cross? Obviously i know the importance of it, but somehow it just feels a little wrong to me to actually "celebrate" his death. But without it, we would not have his resurrection and our life.
Overall a good but exhausting day. Hope everyone has a great Easter and Celebrates the life of our risen Savior.

little late night fun

I am sorry...i am bored tonight and was looking through some old e-mails and thought i'd share this with you since most of my faithful readers will relate:

You Know You Grew Up In Missouri if:
1. You've never met any celebrities.
2. Everyone you know has been on a "Float Trip"
3. "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags.
4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years AFTER they were popular.
5. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles.
6. Down South to you means Arkansas.
7. The phrase "I'm going to the Lake this weekend" only means one thing.
8. You know several people who have hit a deer.
9. You think Missouri is spelled with an "ah" at the end.
10. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
11. You know what "Party Cove" is.
12. Your school classes were canceled because of heat. 13. You instinctively ask someone you've just met, "What High School did you go to?"
14. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
15. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
16. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
17. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
18. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
19. You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football. (but NEVER Oklahoma!) 20. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" 21. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain. (For example the Mexico Soybean Festival)
22. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
23. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
24. You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should.
25. You went to skating parties as a kid.
26. You only own three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
27. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
28. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie. >29. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page, but requires six pages for sports.
30. You think I-44 is spelled and pronounced "farty-far." (St. Louis >only)
31. You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.
32. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
33. You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and
Columbia, and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City, and the Warrenton outlet mall is halfway between Columbia and St. Louis.
34. You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.
35. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
36. You've said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
37. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Football.
38. You know if another Missourian is from the Bootheel, Ozarks, Eastern, Middle or Western Missouri soon as they open their mouth.
39. You know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from Missouri.
40. You failed world geography in school because you thought Cuba, Versailles, California, Nevada, Houston, Cabool, Louisiana, Springfield, and Mexico were cities in Missouri. (And they are!)
41. You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
42. You know what "HOME OF THE THROWED ROLL" means !!!
43. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Missouri friends !! :-)

Come on, i know you all can relate to at least HALF of these!!!

Blessed

Last night as Dan and I were sitting out on my porch swing, right as the sun was going down, I was thinking about how blessed i reall am. I am blessed to have a porch swing. I am blessed to have a man that loves me to sit with me on that porch swing. I am blessed to have a Savior who died and rose again for me and who continues to love me, even when i screw up. I blessed to have an amazing best friend. I am blessed to own my own home and have a yard that i can mow. I am blessed to have other amazing friends who I know i can lean on anytime. I am blessed to have friends who let me stay with them in their tropical paradise. I am blessed to have a wonderful, loving church in which to find community. I am blessed with a wonderful family who loves me. I am blessed with a joy for life.
I have so many blessings and the list could go on and on. It's beautiful days like today and last night that really allow me stop and think about all the things God has blessed me with. Even when things are not always going well, if I really stop and think, I can find so many things to be thankful for. I am blessed that He is my Provider, my Comfort, Mighty Counselor, my All in All.

The Greatest Generation

I read Tom Brokaw's book, The Greatest Generation, awhile ago but a new song i heard recently renewed my interest in it again. This book was a great book that I would recommend to anyone, especially others in my generation and the generations following (people in their twenties). This generation got something that has slowly been seeping out of our society. This generation said "yes sir and yes ma'am". This generation fought for their country through some of the more difficult time periods our country has endured. The women encouraged their husbands to fight and were back at home supporting their effort in anyway that they could, not protesting the war that was already taking place. It was a shameful thing for people of this generation to utilize welfare. . .it is the accepted norm now(see Cinderella man). This generation was not afraid to stand up for what was right. The lines of right and wrong were not blurred as they are today. They were not open for much interpretation. They worked hard everyday, not for their own gain, but to support their families. They loved their God.

My generation has gone terribly wrong somewhere. We look at older people and say that "they are stuck in their old ways". We don't look to them for wisdom but wait for the last of them to pass on so that they won't "hold our society back". War? heaven forbid that we go to war. No one likes war. No one like wa 75 years ago but it's necessary, like it or not. Our generation wants to sit back and say, " we should not go to war, we should not fight" yet we emjoy our freedom of being able to say those things. Obviously peace would be the ideal, but realistically, looking at human nature, it's probably not going to happen. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for that, but we also shouldn't be afraid to fight if it comes to that. We've taken prayer and the pledge of allegiance out of our schools. We say that "whatever you feel is alright, as long as it's good for you". We are the generation of debt. We crave instant gratification. We have not had to endure difficult times such as our grandparents and great grandparents. We are blessed in that but in some respects we are also cursed because of that. We have never had to fight for our next meal, never had to lean on our next door neighbor whose husband/father/child is also away at war. Because we have not experienced those things, I think we have come to think we are owed something from our government. We deserve to live in a free country without really having to fight for it. We deserve to have a great jobs and never feel hunger pains. We deserve to dictate what is right and wrong. We deserve to have a slap on the head.

We have come far since that time. We have done great things. I don't hate our generation by any means. I just think we have missed out on a lot because we thought we knew it all and that we have all the answers. We look back at that generation and feel sorry for them. I think they look on our generation and feel sorry for us, that we have somehow missed the mark in a lot of areas. I think they are probably right.

Time on my hands

This is what my life feels like right now...a slow moving clock. It's Friday afternoon and it couldn't drag any slower!! It's a beautiful day outside and I'm stuck inside doing papework. So I decided to take a little break(hey, I'm allowed 15 minutes!) and do a fun, Friday post. Let's all play the numbers game again!!




5-number of pops I wish I could drink to get me through this awful afternoon
0-number of pops I will actually drink to get me through this awful afternoon.
24-days until we leave for Hawaii
2-lots my house sits on and therefore 2 lots I have to mow tomorrow
472-actual price of my plane ticket to Hawaii, taxes included!!
2:56-hours/minutes until I'm officially free for the weekend
1-date of April I was to have my grad school application turned in
7-date of April it currently is
1- item I have completed for my application
1-hour we spent at the tanning beds last night due to a mix up in
times.
30-minutes that Dan will stop speaking to me for if he finds out I
posted he went tanning..hehe
1-week before a girl's period that a women's estrogen is so low
that she starts producing more testerone and that makes her
more. . .in the mood.(thanks Glamour magazine for enlightening
us all).
45-minutes spent on my first ever Saduko puzzle
0-number of Saduko puzzles I got right before getting frustrated and quitting
67-my self given IQ since I apparently suck at even doing the Easy Saduko puzzles
2:47 minutes I have left until I'm free at last.
Hope everyone has a great Friday and that it's not as long as mine!!!

Aloha!!!

We booked our tickets for Hawaii last night! We are spending 9 glorious days in the Aloha state, leaving May 2 and returning May 12!My friend Katie has graciously extended her home to us to camp out! it will be just like the good ole college days of staying up late, taking extended adventures, and being goofy with the exception that we will be on an island! I'llpost a few more pictures later in honor of this trip!!!!

Highlights from the weekend

This weekend was a fabulous weekend with lots of random things and fun activities. Here's a little update!
Friday:
*attended aquabox with 3 other ladies and was told that I "rock" in the aquabox class.
*swam some laps for the first time in a loooong time...almost passed out, but it's good cardio
*was told that beginning May 31 there is going to be a deep water aerobics class where we have to tread water the whole time in the deep pool!!! I'm pumped!
* Ordering DSL so I can have internet at my house!!

Saturday:
* Woke up at 6am to drive to KC to visit my best friend who was in town for the weekend!
*It was a beautiful warm day and I got to experience many animals along the beautiful countryside!
* While driving I passed a van full of people. The side of the van read " Birdwatching tour, please go around". What?!!!
* Spending the day with Meagan and her beautiful niece, Alexis (pictured above).
* Taking Alexis on a walk and showing her off
*Not telling anyone that she did not belong to either of us. She was way too cute to give the credit away!
*Eating lunch outside at Chipolte while catching up and enjoying the warm sun.
*Getting to attend a family bbq at Meg's sister's house and eating some of the best ribs EVER!
*People mowing their lawns!!! Hello spring!!!
* Walking around in flip flops and not being cold.
*Driving back late and having my oil light come on...luckily while I was stopped for gas.
*Having a loving boyfriend who did not lecture me about getting my oil changed and checking my oil more often,a but talked me through what I needed to do!"

Sunday:

* daylight savings time...staying lighter later!!!!
* Opening the door in the morning to take my dog out and realizing that my grass is green! It's really spring!!!
* Taking a long sunday afternoon nap, while listening to the rain.
*Dan picked up all the branches in my yard for me that the recent storms have blown down
*watching a storm blow in and blow out just as quickly as it came in
*Being shown forgiveness after acting absolutely horrible towards Dan for no reason except irritability.

Overall it was a fantastic weekend! I seem to blossom with the arrival of spring and the sunny days! Also, hopefully we are booking our plane tickets to Hawaii tonight!!!Can't wait to see Katie and meet this much anticipated Jeff!!