Love
Yesterday I was sitting in the Division of Family Services office, waiting for a meeting to start. I was sitting next to an elderly gentleman who was waiting to meet with his medicaid case worker. Another lady was sitting next to him, discussing how she had just gotten out of the nursing home for some illness. The man then told her that his wife was going to have to go into the nursing home this Friday. The lady asked him why and he said that she had cancer and that the doctor's said there was nothing else he could do for her. She was essentially going to spend the remaining days of her life in the nursing home. The man said that she had breast cancer and had beaten it once about 10 years ago but that it had come back and was now running rampant through her body. He discussed how she was scared but that he was unable to care for her anymore and could not afford to have someone in the home 24-7. He was then talking about his house and how they had a little 2 bedroom, which was enough for them but soon it would probably be just him. As I was sitting there listening to all this, my heart was breaking and I was trying to refrain from crying. Finally I could not stop the tears and had to step outside for a minute, lest someone see me. This of course got me thinking about losing someone you love. How awful to share life with someone only to have them ripped away from you. How do people go on? How will this old man be able to go home every night and be surrounded with memories of his wife of 50 years. Who will he talk to? Who will he share things with? The person he shared his life with will be gone. How do you prepare yourself for something like that?
Is love worth it? I like to think yes, but when i hear stories like that, i sometimes think i couldn't handle it. That it's better to never attach yourself to someone in such a way that the very thought of them being taken from you is enough to make you cry. I think a good perspective (and one i will definitely need to have more of if i get married and have kids) is that they belong to God and we are allowed to share life with them for a little while. We have to entrust them into God's hands. We have to realize that they are not ours in the sense that we have no right to them when it comes to God.
I love to love, but sometimes just cannot fathom losing those who are closest to me. I get scared and want to push others away just so i don't lose them(ironic, i know) but somehow i always fall back into pulling them closer, despite my fears.
Ah love, what a difficult thing
posted by Sam at 5:31 PM
5 Comments:
This is exactly why I don't like loving things.
I know, I know. it can definitely suck. But just like I say, think of all the great memories and the lifetime of love. It's not worth giving up for a few years of pain...i think. Best just to dive in and not think about the inevitable pain that will be endured when the love one passes away. . .
it's all about risk, i think. someone who is currently wrapped in the blissful coils of love might say it's worth it, but that's only something you would know at the bottom of the cliff.
after you spend your life with someone, it would be impossibly difficult to let them go... i like to think that your thankfulness at having met them, having gotten to know them and having had the chance to love them would be enough to sustain you. it's like letting anyone go, whether or not they have actually died -- you must acknowledge that your memories were blessed and you had some sweet times, but a new chapter must begin whether you're ready to accept the change or not.
you know, i'm REALLY bad at accepting change, so i should not have posted this - i should have yelled it at myself!
well said, well said. letting go sucks. and i don't even know the depth of it yet
" I mean that marriage, for Christians, constitutes an opportunity to look death in the eye and choose to love anyways, because that is what God in Christ has already done on our behalf."
Margaret Peterson
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