Week 4 Results!

You Are Chinese Food

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What Kind of Food Are You?

So I thought this little online quiz was totally appropriate to broadcast my fourth week of the "Trust Plan". It has been one month, a month I promised to abide by whatever craziness Dan came up with and trust one of my biggest struggles into his hands. Overall it turned out pretty well and most importantly, I did not die nor did I kill him AND we still like each other!! quite an accomplishment i think! So now the drama you have all been waiting for. . . the total numbers for the month.

Total weight lost=6 pounds

Total inches lost= 11.5 pounds

Total self-esteem gained=priceless :)

I'm pretty excited and happy about the results. After much contemplating and prayer, I have decided to sign on for another month of this craziness! I had one stipultion that he had to agree to before I would agree to his craziness and that was that he mix us the exercies a bit. It got rather mundane after 4 weeks of the same routine. Now, don't get wrong, it was still harder than all get out, but it would be nice to spice things up a bit. He agreed to that and officially we start phase 2 on Wednesday, the first of February. I'm a little worried about what I'm in for this month as he has already discussed it getting harder and uttering crazy things about running the mile...what? am i back in gym class? Don't want to get marshmall butts (remember that meg?) Anyways, overall i feel good. I feel attractive. I feel confident. I still feel that i lack the self-control to continue on my own but God is working on that and slowly but surely chipping away more and more at my old self.

I really appreciate everyone's encouragement and motivation. It has been a great source of accountability and encouragement to read your postings and know that there are others out there rooting for me to make it! I know this will be a long journey but I'm glad I have friends along for the ride.

Motherhood experience

This is my cute puppy dog named Tozer (after A.W. Tozer). This morning I had a very scary, mother like experience. My yard is not fenced in but Tozer is usually really good about staying in the yard to do his business. Every morning after I wake up, i let him outside and he runs around and does his stuff and then comes and waits by the door. Well this morning he was taking an unsually long time so I went to the door to look for him. As I am looking out the door, I see a little white, moving object waaaaaaaaaaaay far away from my yard, across a major street!!! I started freaking out and didn't want to call him because I didn't want him to come running across the street and get ran over. So i threw on outside appropriate clothes, my hair dripping wet from my shower, and took off running down the hill of my yard, hoping to catch him in time. The closer I get, I realize that the little white dog i was seeing across the street was not my Tozer but another white dog. I breathe a sigh of relief but still cannot find my dog. Then I look and Tozer is in the street!!!! By this time I am at the edge of the road and he is in the lane on the other side. I yell his name and tell him to stay because there is a car coming in the lane closest to me. After that car passes, I go out in the road and scream his name to Come because there is a truck drawing ever so near in his lane. Tozer comes sprinting across the road, all happy to see me. By this point I am freaking out and spank him a few times. He has no idea why I am so upset and starts to merrily gallop back to the house. I made him come back to me and disciplined him some more, making sure he understood that what he did was wrong. By the time I got him into the house I was shaking and crying.
Now, I know my dog is not my child and I can't even begin to imagine what it would have been like if it was a child but it definitely provided some insight into the life of motherhood. One, it is so important to make sure that your child obeys you , regardless of whether the training is tough on you as the parent or not. Two, I can understand how some mother's go balistic on their children after a scary experience such as that because you are so shaken up about it and while you are freaking out because you love them so much, they just see you as freakin out. Three, props to mothers everywhere.
Luckily, little Tozer is back safe and sound in the house where he belongs and will have to be put on his chain from now on to use the bathroom until he remembers to stay out of the street.

Forgivness

I came across this book while listening to the radio one day and then it popped up again while I was working with a client. The story is a true one about a Jewish man who was imprisoned in the Nazi concentration camps during WWII. At the end of his imprisonment, the Nazi's bring him to a dying nazi soldier who is wanting to seek forgiveness from a Jew for his crimes. The Nazi asks the Jewish man for forgiveness but the Jewish man says nothing and turns around and walks out. The first half of the book is discussing his story and providing more and better details than I have. The second half of the book is commentary from a bunch of different theologians, politicians, movie stars, etc, asking what they would have done in that situation.
I know my initial thought was, "heck no, I wouldn't forgive him" but after more thought and a calming down process, I think that he probably should have forgiven him. Christ forgave us when we commited the most atrocious acts against Him. I am not perfect like Christ but do strive to be more Christ like in all my actions.
I am in a book club and have chosen this book for my month and thought it would generate some good discussion. Here are some questions I had when thinking about this book: Should you forgive someone for sins that were not committed directly against you (ex. the Nazi didn't kill anyone this author knew but committed crimes against his people group), what would you do in that situation? is this a similar situation to the enslavement of African americans and then the aftermath that followed (i.e. us trying to reconcile some of that by things like affirmative action, apologizing as a nation to the black community, etc.).
I think it's easy for us to talk about forgiveness and to say the right things, that we should forgive because Christ forgave us. I think it's easy for us to judge others who don't forgive as easily. I think it's a much more difficult thing to actually model forgiveness in our daily lives, to model forgiveness as Christ would when someone hurts us deeply. It's easy to forgive someone when they bump into you in the supermarket, it's a different story when a drunk driver hits your small child.
I think this book generates some good discussion on forgiveness and is a challenging discussion for both christians and non-christians alike.

Week 3 results

I just completed week three and am starting my fourth and final week of the "Trust Plan". This week brings somewhat disappointing results, at least from my perspective. I gained a pound of stayed the same, the scale couldn't really decide. I did lose 4 inches total, which brings the total inches lost to 10, which is good. Dan says that it is o.k. because it probably means I am gaining muscle since I am losing inches but it's still difficult to not see that scale drop. I have had people tell me I look like I'm losing weight but I want to see it! I feel as if I have been working my butt off, eating totally healthy, and drinking enough water to drown a small child but don't feel like my results reflect it. I guess it is possible I have completely unrealistic expectations and that this is totally normal for weight loss and getting in shape. I do feel better and my appetite has decreased like none other. That is another problem possibly. I have not been getting enough calories. I think I am supposed to be getting between 2000-2500 but I usually come in below 1500. Funny, I never thought the struggle with this plan would be getting me to eat More. Anyways, those are the results for this week. I have one more week to decide if I am going to continue to allow Daniel to dictate my eating and exercise habits. We shall see....we shall see...

To educate or not to Educate. . .

I have really been given a lot of thought to getting my master's degree. I have thought about this decision many times before as some of you know. I continually go back and forth between whether or not it is worth it. Last Friday I was talking with some girls from work who are also interested in getting their Master's degrees and we decided to talk to our chief financial officer and find out approximately what the pay differentiation would be. We found out if would be an almost $10,000 a year pay increase...just to continue the job we are doing now. Whoa. So school would definitely pay for itself in two years. The problem we find here in rural missouri is the lack of resources for obtaining a Master's degree. If you want a Master's in anything besides business, english, or eduation, you have to drive at least an hour and a half if not longer. So i have started looking into MU's Master of Social work program. In the long run I would not want to continue in the Mental Health field but would like to maybe be a guidance counselor in the schools or head up an organization. I would more than likely be licensed to counsel but I don't really want to. Now I need to find out when the classes are offered, if I could continue to work full time or if I would need to move down to part time and take out more loans. Unfortunately, I will have to take out some loans to help pay for school, but I figure it's a good return on my money...hopefully. Anyways, if any of you have some thoughts or ideas, please feel free to post! These are just some of my crazy thoughts for the day!:) Stay tuned tomorrow for the results of week three!!

Warm Thoughts on a cold day!

Just wanted to post this pic from when I went to Hawaii last year! Look real carefully, that is not a rock but a sea turtle! there were about four of them swimming right around where those ladies are in the ocean. They just come right up on the shore to sunbathe:) Anyways, I needed something warm to think about because it's like 25 degrees here and I can hear the sleet pounding off my office window. We're also under a snow advisory for today and tonight...bummer. So here is a warm image for anyone in the cold regions of the united states.
PS- I was at a school today meeting with one of my kids when this dude came up to us and asked us what class we were supposed to be in...I just sat there and looked at him ( i will be 25 in March!) He kept asking us what we were doing and what class we were supposed to be in. Finally the kid said, "she is not a student, she is my guidance counselor". The guy looked real embarrassed and apologized profusely. I was just dumbfounded! I mean, I stopped getting carded for alcohol a few years ago! I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

Week Two

I just finished my second week of the "Trust Plan" and we did the weekly weigh in and measurements. I was feeling fairly down last week because I want to see more results more quickly, even though I did pretty well the first week. So I hopped on the scale (thougth this pic was appropriate) and i lost 2 more pounds! So total I have lost 5 pounds in two weeks. We took my measurements and overall I have lost 5 3/4 inches total from my body, 3 1/4 ( I think) this week! I am very excited and happy about this but it's still difficult sometimes because I feel like I'm working so hard and should be seeing more drastic results. I know that losing 1-2 pounds a week is a good, steady rate but it's just hard when I want to be seeing more results. It was good over the weekend when my mom asked me if I was losing weight. I also feel better and am craving better food, like fruits and veggies. I still crave some of the crappy food but only indulge occasionally with very careful portion control. Two more weeks I have left that I am completely under Dan's control on this plan, then I must decide if I will continue with him and submitting to rules and regulations or if I will venture out on my own. I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet but we'll see.

A few of my Favorite things

This weekend Dan and I spent a wonderful weekend in KC with my family. We just needed a nice break from the 'ville. We had a great time and it inspired me to write a little list of my favorite things from the weekend.
*spending 6 hours in the car driving, talking, and being silent with each other.
*free meals provided by my parents!
* 2 pairs of pants and a jacket for Dan for $14.00.
*After Christmas specials!
*afternoon walks in the park with my shih-tzu and my parents...trying to manuver them both!
*naps
* reading books and sharing at Barnes and Noble for hours while waiting to see a movie and then actually not seeing the movie because we were enjoying our time at Barnes and Noble so much.
*65 degree weather in the middle of January.
*attending church with my family and seeing old friends.
*walking down on the plaza (see pic above)
* high hopes of eating cold stone creamery ice cream outside, but after sitting out for a few minutes realizing that although it's 65 degrees it's COLD in the shade!
* staying with my healthy eating choices even though we ate out the whole weekend.

Overall it was a great weekend away from home.

A Jaded View

Sometimes working in this field makes me worry that I have a jaded view of kids and the way they should act. For example, this morning I was at the elementary school waiting for my client when I saw a boy and a girl (about 4th grade) walking together carrying a milk crate full of library books. My first thought was, "where's the supervision?!" and my second thought " why are the boy and girl allowed to be alone together?". In my line of work, I have seen way too many kids involved in inappropriate behaviors with one another due to lack of supervision, past abuse, lack of parental involvement, etc. These kids have more knowledge about certain things than kids twice their age. It worries me that all I've ever really seen and spent significant time around are kids with emotional problems. I'm unsure what age appropriate behaviors are. I don't think it is bad to err on the stricter side with kids but I also don't want to be crazy about it. I think that in some ways, this field has been good for opening my eyes to the reality of a world outside my upper middle class upbringing, but other times I long for the innocence of my youth.

When a stranger calls...

On my lunch break today I was at home watching a little t.v. and saw a commercial for this movie. I sat there watching, a slow tremor of recognition flowing over me as I saw familiar scenes. I wondered but thought..no it couldn't be, this movie was made in the 70's! But then I heard the quote that sealed the deal..."Have you checked the children?" This along with the other infamous quote of "THE PHONE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE OF THE HOUSE!!" haunted my high school days and my beginning babysitting days. My friends and I used to watch this movie constantly in high school (maybe earlier) and now they are remaking it!!! Anyways, I immediately had to call my best friend and see if she had seen the previews for it! It was a pretty freaky movie and I will definitely be going to see the remake. hmm I wonder if they will remake the sequel, "When a Stranger calls back..." no kidding, that is the real title of the sequel!

Week one Results

We are now into a week or so of my new "Trust Plan". I've been asked for updates and am excited to give an update! At the start of this process, we weighed me(talk about ultimate trust), and took measurements of different parts of my body. We took the measurements eight days ago from yesterday so we remeasured last night. We were not able to weigh until Friday of last week due to complications with a scale so the weight loss only reflects from Friday until Tuesday. Here are the much anticipated results!! We measure biceps, neck, bust, waist, hips, thighs, calves, total thigh, total around both of my arms, and I think that is all. The overall results for that was a total of 1 inch lost. I lost more than that in a few places, stayed the same in others, and had more in a few others. Now, obviously this will be better calculated over a longer period of time and will take into account errors in our measuring, such as not knowing the exact place every time or pulling the tape measure tighter or softer. However, I was pleased to see that and it was a good motivation. Weight wise, I lost 3lbs since Friday!! wahoo!!! so that was exciting as well. Overall it seems to be a good start to this plan!
It was funny last night after I finished my Tae-Bo, I was telling Dan that ole Billy seemed to have inserted more pushups and more sets into this workout than any other before. He gave me a weird look and asked if I knew I was doing the same video I had been doing. I said i knew but that Billy was one sneaky guy. :) It was encouraging because what that observation really means is not that I'm going crazy and thinking that my video changes on me but that in fact I am doing more of the push ups and sets! It still kicks my butt but I feel much better after it and can actually walk this morning and am not sore. Overall it's been good and is exciting! I hope I can keep it up.
P.S. This pilates picture is a picture of another one of my tormentors.

the "Trust Plan"

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These, among others, are my new torturers. After many struggles with attempting to lose weight and get healthy, many tears shed, many fights fought, many prayers prayed, and many battles lost, I decided to try a different approach. I know the a big part of the problem is a lack of self control because I see it in other areas of my life. So whether or not I start looking like a super model, I need to get this area of my life under control. I have confided in a few close friends about the depths of this struggle. Dan has been with me through the last several years of this struggle and completely supports my decision. He is very encouraging and never lets me forget that he thinks I'm beautiful, regardless. At the beginning of this month I decided to make a promise to him to allow him to run my workout and eating routine. This was a very tough decision because sometimes he can be a little "nazi-ish" when it comes to physical activity. But I did and I gave him one month to where I would completely trust him to work up and implement a plan. We are into day 3 of the "Trust plan" as I have taken to calling it. It's easier when you have someone to hold you accountable and have someone to believe that you can do it even if you don't believe it. So, cutting calories, doing Ultimate boot camp Tae-Bo and Pilates. Even though I cannot move my body and want to cry everytime I start doing the workout, it sure is cute to watch Dan doing it beside me. So, for now I am trying to make it through the first week without hurting myself or others and praying that this time around is different than all the other times before. The night before starting our workout, I was reading in Proverbs and came across this verse " Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls." Not only is it important for health reasons to be in better shape, but spiritually, the issue is one of self-control. So I start my journey and see where it leads.