Off the Beaten Path

(Insert really pretty picture of Missouri farmland that I couldn't get to load)

This evening, the weather was soo nice and I just wanted to get out of the house and drive around with my windows rolled down and my radio turned up. I really had no particular place to go, no agenda in mind, I was just content and starting to feel the heavy load that has been on my shoulders at work slowly lifting away. I remember as i was driving around that I wanted to read a book I had read about in a magazine while at the dentist's office so I detoured my car to Hastings to find the book. I love bookstores. I could spend hours upon hours looking around. When i first walked in, i immediately saw the book on the front shelf, in a hardback with all the other new releases. Crap. it means it will be really expensive so i longingly read the inside cover of the book, threw a disgusted look at the $25.00 price tag and placed it back on the shelf and continued my journey deeper into the bookstore, now just wandering aimlessly. I saw books on Hawaii travel, history books, baby books, and Christian romance novels. I was a little embarrassed looking in the self-help section, although I'm not sure why. I was actually looking for books for some of my parents at the facility. So anyways, I'm wondering around the bookstore, on my way out when i come across the kiosk with books about Missouri and traveling Missouri. I found one called Off the Beaten Path-Missouri and as I got to looking at it, got more and more excited. I was suddenly struck with a great idea for Dan and I. Lately the distance has been weighing on us both, with me being really stressed out at work and him being ready to be finished with school, it has been difficult not being able to be around each other. SO i got this brilliant idea when I saw this book that Dan and I could take a Saturday or Sunday every three weeks between me being on call and him studying, we could choose a random place in the book and go on a mini daytrip to explore the inner workings of Missouri. I bet you never knew there was a half-scale replica of Stonehenge, complete with an Anasazi solar calendar. Needless to say, Dan was ecstatic. He is always trying to get me to be more adventurous and spontaneous! We are going to alternate picking a place out of the book and begin to explore Missouri. I think my first stop will be the Union Covered Bridge, near Paris Missouri. It's theonly Burr-arch covered bridge left in the state. It's 125 ft long and 17 1/2 foot whide bridge built in 1871. It sounds like a good place to pack a picinic and stop at an Amish home on the way back for some homemade cinnamon rolls.

Who do I think I am?

These little aliens are a good representation of how I have been feeling lately. The last 3 weeks at work have been incredibly stressful. I got my first fever blister, that I'm fairly certain was brought on by stress. I have big lumps in my throat and around my jaw line, which I think is the beginning of a sickness. I have been constantly exhausted at the end of the day, mentally and physically, and I have cried at the thought of going back to work the next morning. In the last 3 weeks, I'm not sure I have worked a week less than 50 hours. I feel bad for wanting to go home at 7pm when I've been there since 8 or 9 that morning. I dont' want to feel bad about that. It's not that I really have a life, I just don't want to be at work that much. I knew this was a danger when i took this job, getting sucked in to working all the time. As I write this, it's 5:25am and I am on call this weekend and scheduled to work 16 hours this weekend, hence me working overnight. I feel like God has really been challenging me a lot lately and using them to get me thinking. Over and over again I have wondered if I made the right decision, taking this job because honestly I have not enjoyed it as much as I thought I would. I have asked myself over and over again if I maybe made a mistake in what I thought God was telling me about this job. However, while I have not come to any final conclusions about that, I do feel God has been challenging me with this: just because things are going great and just because I am not happy, that doesn't necessarily mean that God didn't want me here. I think we equate making the "right" decisions with how we feel. If it makes us feel good, well then it must have been right. It we feel sad or bad about it, then it had to be wrong or we must've mis heard what God was telling us. I think this is a mindset I need to get over and get over quickly. I'm not entirely sure who I think I am, thinking that I deserve to live an untouched, safe, happy life-never being pushed or moved out of my comfort zone. It's kind of like that song we used to sing in youth group, Refiner's Fire. If I can't take the heat or am unwilling to get uncomfortable and take it, I can't be refined, I can't be made better.

I'm not saying some things don't need to change about my work hours or the amount of work I am taking on, but I think my attitude does need to change about why I'm here and I really need to look at my purpose for being where i'm at right now.

26

Yesterday I turned 26 years old. I had a bit of a problem with 25 and 26 was not any easier. People kept telling me, " oh 26 isn't that old, don't worry about it" but the way I see it, 26 is closer to 30 than 20. Whoa.
As far as birthday days go, it was a good one. I should actually back up and start with Friday, which was officially the start of my birthday weekend. See, Dan and I both like our birthdays so much we decided that we should get a full weekend plus whatever day our actual birthday is on. It's pretty sweet, you should try it. But i digress.
So we went to KC to celebrate my birthday weekend with my friends and family. March is a birthday month for my family. My bday is the 12, my mom's the 13, my sister in law the 20th and she was actually supposed to have a baby on the 10th but so far is still hanging in there, waiting. My grandma's bday is on the 18th and my cousin sometime in March as well. I also share my birthday with a good childhood friend, Leanne. So March is busy when it comes to bdays.
On Saturday, Dan and I helped my mom and step-dad chip wood. This was the day where I almost did not make it to my 26th birthday. We rented a massive chipper because my parents bought some land and have been clearing it out. We worked out there all day on Saturday, feeding trees into this chipper, which spits them out in mulch form. I was calmly feeding a tree into the chipper when the buttonhole of my flannel jacket caught on a branch. Next thing I know, i heading straight for death. I tugged and tugged as my hand grew closer to the chipper. Finally i yanked hard enough to rip the buttonhole and go flying backwards away from the chipper. Scary. Seriously, the first thought I had as I was getting closer and closer was "I'm going to die right before my birthday".
That night we spent hanging out with Leanne and opening presents. We did more birthday stuff the next day and had a good time. On Monday, people at work took me out for lunch and then Dan came up that night. We spent an hour at the airport, trying to get our flight to Hawaii figured out(which we didn't) and then had dinner at Il Spazio's! It was a good birthday. I got a homemade purse(well, professionally made from a lady here in town) and a hawaiian beach (hopefully) massage from Dan! It was overall a good birthday and I am always sad when it's over.

Here is a brief synopsis of what I learned over my birthday weekend:
1. If you get into an argument on a long drive, it makes the drive go faster.
2. It also helps to relieve stress.
3. Don't wear loose sleeves around a wood chipper
4. Arthur Bryant's has the best BBQ anywhere...the one downtown, not in the casino or airport.
5. It can be fun sharing your bday with your friend, especially when you've done it for almost 18 years.
6. Hawaii rocks
7. work sucks
8.I can't wait to be an aunt
9. If you play password with your boyfriend and your parents and he draws the word "erect", he should NOT say the clue "viagra"
10. Seriously, Dan did that.
11. My step-dad gave the clue "build"
12. so much less embarrassing
13. We did win the game though.
14. fever blisters suck

And on a final note, I LOVE this weather and have been in a fabulous mood.

Stolen survey

I totally and unashamedly stole this from Elisa's blog. :)

1 How old were you when you received your 1st kiss?My first real kiss, i was 16. I had sort of a fakey, half kiss in 8th grade.

2 How do you picture the end of the world?

umm thanks to Tim LaHaie, I kind of picture it like the Left Behind series. I know..pathetic.

3 what is karma to you?

I don't believe in Karma unless it's another name for God's plan. I kind of like the words of Toby Keith and Willie Nelson when talking about people getting what they deserve, "send all to their maker and he'll sort them out"

4 What drives you crazy?

worthless parents who wonder why their kids are screwed up and want me to fix them.

5 How do you feel about duct tape?

um it's pretty sweet. My step-brother used to make all sort s of things with duct tape, like wallets, clothes, shoes, etc.

6 Do you wear big sunglasses?

No. They are weird on me.

7 What makes you laugh?

lots of things. Playing tricks on staff at work, thinking of my boyfriend as Justin Timberlake "bringing sexy back", trying to correct Dan's pronunciation, only to say the exact same thing.

8 Longest you've gone without eating?

5 days i think, after a break up. stupid stupid stupid. No man is worth not eating:)

9 What do you think about Britney Spears?

I think she's crying out for help. Or maybe she just is trying to start a new fashion trend, who knows?

10 Are you intentionally mean to ugly people?

Um no. I mean, what if I'm ugly? Plus who does that?

11 Do you still ride shopping carts?

occasionally but i generally look like a fool doing it

12 What's your name spelled backwards?

ahtnamas

13 you can have lunch with one celebrity, who would you choose?

Hmm. Tyra Banks is kind of growing on me. I'm addicted to America's next top Model. She loves her body, doesn't care if everyone is calling her "chunky" (even though she's totally not!) and encourages women to love them selves.

Hmm, i think i would also like to eat with Billy Graham(the man, not Elisa's parrot) and pick his brain.

14 Random line from a song.

"girl you make it hard to be faithful. . ." for some reason, that terrible song has been in my head all weekend. Seriously, why does everyone write songs about cheating and then glamourize it!?!

15 If you could relive any day of your life, which would it be?

Hmm, I'm not sure that day has happened yet. But I guess out of the days i've had, I can pick a few.
a.) some of the raddical weekends we used to have in high school through our youth group. weekends full of sleeping at a host home, growing in Christ together, baking laxative filled chocolate chip cookies for the boys, and having deadly scavenger hunts around the city.
b.)The time Dan and i spent in Hawaii with our friend Katie. It was like all the cares of the world slid away.
c.) I'm hoping to have a lifetime filled with relivable days. I've been very blessed so far.

16 You have one last thing to say before you die. What do u say and to whom? crap seriously? this is deep. I don't know. I am abstaining.

17 Who was the last person to tell you that you looked good:

Dan. He called me last night just to make sure I knew how much he loved me, what an amazing woman he thought I was, how he doesn't deserve me, and to tell me that I am incredibly beautiful. seriously, he rocks.

18 Who would you beat the crap out of if you had the chance:

i generally like everyone but if i had to pick, probably one of my kids's parents. It's amazing how much they hurt their kids.

19 Have any obsessions?

mmm, i like to be in control. is that an obsession?

20 Why did the chicken cross the road?

why not?

21 Can a person have more than one soul mate?

i don't really believe in soul mates. I think it's a romanticized, not accurate term we apply liberally to anyone we feel we have a connection with. I do however think we can love more than one person in our lifetime. Maybe not the same way or even the same depth but we can. Love is a choice.

22 Do you like toast?

yes, I love toast especially since i've been on this new diet.

23 Would you ever die for someone you loved?

yes

24 What do you think of when you hear the word "jack"?

Colby. (ha, i've considered naming my first born son Colby jack). And Jill.

25 Use one word to describe yourself.

happy

26 Where's Waldo?

is that guy still around?

27 Ever tape yourself having sex?

sick. plus i don't have sex. . .. yet

28 Would you run down the street naked for $1,000?

i dont' think so. Maybe 5000

29 Last text msg you received?

"download this ringer from the sprint store" and then I couldn't figure out how to do it.

30 Are you afraid of snakes? umm yeah if i meet them in the wild but I will pet one if someones holding it..

31 What shouldn't someone do when they meet you?

punch me. flirt with my boyfriend. say mean things to me.talk down to me.

32 Does the word Starbucks tickle your fancy?

i hate starbucks. hate it hate it hate it. mainly cuz i hate coffee products but also cuz they're a big freaking rip off and everyone buys into it

33 Do you like bacon?

only if it's real cruchy. real crunchy

34 What was the last thing you said?

"talk to you tomorrow" to my mom

35 The most common misconception about you?

well at work, it's that I have had sex becuase I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. People seem to think that you can't date someone for so long while remaining abstinent unless one or both of you are gay.

36 Do you still watch Cartoons?

Does Family guy count?

37 Do you have a few close friends, or a lot of not so close?

anymore it's a few close friends. Who has time anymore to keep up with everyone?

38 Which is better: South Park or Family Guy?

totally family guy.

39 Does time fly when your having fun? yes it does

40 Who's the last person who told you they loved you? Dan